Running a campaign is a strenuous event, and eusalicious would hate to think that candidates are stressing out already. So we’re launching a fun new series called HOW TO WIN YOUR ELECTION. This is part one. How fun! It’ll be a bit like the EUSA guide, but with more exciting secrets and unofficial things that you’re not supposed to do.
Fancy yourself as a bit of an innovator? Don’t want to follow the same-old, same-old election techniques? Well cutting cardboard is a bit boring, as eusalicious can empathise, so here is a nice little collection of tried-and-tested alternatives that you might want to think about…
#1: The hot vote
To start with an easy one – a nice mug shot never goes amiss. Smile and flirt outrageously on the doorstep, and generally be charming. Unfortunately this does work to some extent (unless you’re a bit grim looking, in which case just pick a nice font). Handily this does work for both men and women: all eusalicious’s flatmates voted for Josh ‘cos he was a hotty…
#2: Intimidate the opposition
Who needs an election? If you really want a 100% guarantee, just shoo away the opposition. It worked for Gordon Brown! Eusalicious did once hear an intriguing suggestion that you could get a friend to nominate themselves too, and later withdraw after the deadline, which would produce a similar effect. Very cunning.
#3: Hire a lookalike
Thus allowing you to hang about in George Square instead of having to wander round KB like a tourist to try and show that you love both campuses. Laura Jayne Baker did mention once that she was looking for some blonde friends to try this one last year, but blondes are sadly a dying breed and it didn’t work out.
#4: Join a political faction
Labour Students is the classic, but P&P works pretty well in this case too. Provides you with plenty of well-practiced campaigners (ideal if you don’t have many friends!), but can incite some predictable criticism from wannabe commentators. The critics never gain much ground, though – politically backed candidates are pretty formiddable.
(Disclaimer: this never seems to work out for the Conservatives)
#5: The sympathy vote
Most recently piloted by presidential candidate Oliver Mundell, who managed to spear his foot to a fence shortly before the election. His hilarious election video to “I’m still standing”, featuring himself riding around Bristo Square on a granny scooter, was an inspiration – even if sadly ineffective. It didn’t work for Oli, but there’s definitely more milage to be had out of this one…
<< literally, how cute
#6: If at first you don’t succeed…
And finaly, there’s always the old favourite of running again – which has only backfired once, for the unfortunate Kwan Ting Chan. It’s all the rage now: Ruth Cameron and Adam Ramsay set the trend, with Liz following in their footsteps, and perhaps now Tom Crewther his year..? Lovely.
So there you go chaps! Lots of lovely ideas to get your campaigns on track. Who needs cardboard…